Elect The Bitches for President
The Bitches' Statement of Intent
We are the future of this country. We are the ones who will turn this country around and allow it to continue on its path as the greatest in the world. We are Bitch Cappy and Bitch Leo and we are the only realy choices for the next presidential team. I, Bitch Cappy, with Bitch Leo as my running partner, will do all the things other, male, candidates have attempted and failed at in the past.
For starters, we will eliminate the billion dollar National Debt. Many have come before us and promised the same thing, but unlike them, we will succeed. Our plan is quite simple. So simple in fact, that it is a wonder no one has ever thought of it before. So easy is it that I ponder over the fact that it hasn't already been done. You may ask what this great idea of ours is. It is this-- to stop all foreign aide. Much of the National Debt comes from the money sent to other countries to feed and clothe their homeless, their sick, their starving. But what about our homeless, our sick, our starving? We must first take care of our own before we can even consider saving other countries that would more than likely be better off if they didn't exist.
And what kind of a message are we sending to other countries by doing this? On December 7, 1941, the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor. The U.S. retaliated four years later on August 6 by dropping an atom bomb on Hiroshima. We then apologized and rebuilt their country. This says to other countries that we will fight a war, win a war, and then clean up the mess the war caused around the world. This of course is not a very wise message to send out when you take into consideration all of the advancements in technology going on in the world today. If we continue with this kid of message-- go ahead and bomb us. We'll rebuild your country later-- America will soon fall to the mercy of a country like Japan, Russian, or England, whom we spent so many years trying to break away from.
As we are withdrawning all monetary foregin aide, it seems only right that we also eliminate the presence of our troops arould the world. Besides saving even more money for our home land, it will also, possibly, save our country in the future. Sending our troops to every other corner of the globe leaves America wide open for attacks from other, less powerful nations. With our forces away, we will be sitting targets and this must be stopped at once.
By stopping foreign aide and keeping American money in America, we will finally be able to lower taxes. This too has been promised by many before us. However, they lacked the gumption, conviction, and courage to stand up to the other countries and say "enough is enough". Bitch Leo and I have the necessary gumption, conviction, and courage to do this. We will see to it that America no longer spends millions of dollars on countries that will eventually just wind up back in the hole in a few years, just one of the many wastes of money we will bring to an end if elected.
Bitch Leo and I will aslo crack down on the Welfare System, again, a promise made by each new President. But we-- being the young, starry-eyed bitches that we are-- shall remain true to our word. No more allowing free-loaders to remain in the System just because they refuse to get a job. Anyone on Welfare must work unless they are deemed unable to do so by a panel set forth and headed by the commissioner of the program. Therefor, we will not kick mothers who do work out of the program as is currently the procedure. They will be allowed to remain on the program until deemed ready to live elsewhere by the aforementioned panel of committee members. In certain circumstances-- those involving ill children-- the medical benefits will not be lowered or lost.
With the money saved from knocking out foregin aide and cracking down on Welfare, more money will be made available to public schools, homeless organizations, and organizations dealing with technological advances and medical research and breakthroughs.
Public schools will no longer be forced to cut programs necessary to complete a child's education such as music, art, and foreign language. Books will be current and concise. Students will not be allowed to pass or graduate without first passing an examination covering all points of material slated to be learned over the course of the year. Students will no longer be crammed into over-crowded busses. More security measures will be taken to ensure the safety of our children while they learn. Teachers will be evaluated regularly to make sure they are teaching our children what they need to be taught.
Homeless organizations will be given funds for larger shelters, able to accommodate more of our nation's homeless and needy. These centers will contain many more sleeping quarters than our current shelters and will have educational facilities where they will learn job skills and receive help in finding jobs to get them back on their feet.
Money will also go towards making American-made products they best they possibly can be. We are all aware of what a joke such products currently are, but if we spend more money on technological advancements for this country instead of for others, our products will have the potential to become the best in the world. By doing this, the amoutn of importation will decrease greatly, for we are far too dependent on other countries for our goods as it is now.
Some of the best new medical insights come from this country and Bitch Leo and I intend to make sure that this trend is kept up by giving generous amounts of the saved money to medical research facilities and hospitals around the country.
I now leave you with this thought; would you rather our country be run by a couple of unambitious, balding men? Or do you want leaders with visions and the strength to see those visions through? With our youthful exuberance, Bitch Leo and I will see to it that these changes, and more, are made over the course of our term in the White House. We will listen to the American people and take their thoughts and ideas into consideration when passing new bills and laws. We will not fall into the pattern of our former Presidents-- promise something, forget about it, get into a scandal. We will not have interns going down on us. We will not lie, cheat, or embezzle. And we will not enter the country into a war in order to draw attention away from ourselves. In short, we shall change the nation as it needs to be changed, for we are the future of the country.
--Bitch Cappy